IV. Family, School and Society

When your family does not accept you and wishes the worst for you, what can you expect from society?

—Ali, Gay Iranian in exile, September 9, 2007

As in many other countries, Iran’s sexual minorities suffer much harassment, discrimination, and abuse at the hands of private actors, including members of their family and society at large. An overwhelming majority of the individuals interviewed by Human Rights Watch during the course of its investigations maintained that many of the problems suffered by sexual minorities stemmed from abuse and neglect at home.

Yet in Iran sexual minorities are particularly vulnerable to such abuse because state law criminalizes same-sex conduct and imposes the death penalty for certain same-sex acts. Not only are sexual minorities prevented from availing themselves of the general protections afforded under the law, they must also fear possible prosecution under the law should they seek help from authorities. Iranian law, therefore, creates a “chilling effect” on the ability (and desire) of victims to report abuses against them, and renders them more vulnerable to harassment, abuse, blackmail, and extortion by private actors.

The failure of the state to investigate, prosecute, and punish private actors, including family members who perpetrate violence against Iran’s sexual minorities, violates Iran’s obligations under international law. These obligations include the responsibility to protect citizens “without distinction of any kind,” and to ensure that those whose rights are “violated have an effective remedy.” The right to a remedy exists regardless of whether the perpetrator is acting in an official capacity or a private one.[100] The UN Human Rights Committee has made clear on several occasions that sexual orientation is a status protected against discrimination under these provisions.[101]

Harassment and Abuse by Family and Relatives

For many LGBT persons, the bonds with their families are often strained—and even severed—leaving many more vulnerable to abuse than they otherwise might be with such a support system. These tensions, which often manifest themselves at an early age, lead family members to strictly monitor their children’s lives, lash out against them in frustration, anger, or shame, and sometimes abandon them altogether.[102]

Matin, a 24-year-old gay male from a small village outside of Esfahan recounted how he was summoned to the local cleric’s office in a mosque after his parents and school officials began to suspect that he was engaging in homosexual relations with other boys. Matin was around 13-years-old at the time:

When I went to the mosque the cleric asked me why I don’t come more regularly. “Why do you distance yourself from us?” he asked. “Why don’t you confide in me?” I denied that I had a problem. I challenged the validity of the allegations against me. He told me that what I was doing was wrong, and that I was shaming my family and the village. Then he asked, “Do you know what the punishment for lavat is? He read from the Quran, the part about Lot and God’s wrath. He then urged me to follow the right path and confess to my sins. “It’s never too late to change,” he said.[103]

Many LGBT Iranians interviewed by Human Rights Watch maintained that they felt “different” from others at an early age. Depending on their personalities and family situations, some were more comfortable in expressing their differences, while others shied away from social interaction. Most felt that this “difference,” often made them the targets of harassment and abuse, including sexual abuse, by both immediate and extended family members. Hossein M., a 26-year-old gay Iranian in exile, describes a pattern of harassment and abuse experienced by many LGBT persons at the hands of family members:

Problems arise when family members start to realize that you are different from them because of your appearance, the way you act, or the things you say. They can’t accept this, and your problems begin. For example when I was a child, the older cousins and children would always make fun of me and call me bacheh susul [mama’s boy] sometimes. They would even take me to an empty room and sexually violate me. After they were done they would call me a kuni [faggot].

My parents eventually became aware of this. They treated me very badly. My mother would say, “What have I done to deserve having a sick child?” She then threw me out of the house.[104]

Human Rights Watch found that family restrictions and monitoring were generally more severe against girls than boys. Not surprisingly, families ratcheted up the pressure once they suspected their daughters of showing too much interest in other girls. Roodabeh, a 30- year-old lesbian, recounts a fairly typical story of a mother’s horrified reaction when she discovered her six-year-old playing with a girl cousin:

My first experience of liking a female was when I was six-years-old. I liked my girl cousin. We were always together. And sometimes we played doctor in their kitchen, during the afternoon while our mothers napped. I always liked to touch her. I would pull her shirt up and rest my head on her chest. And sometimes I would taste her breasts. One day my mother walked in on us. What a scene. The commotion that took place! I received a good beating. And then my mother grabbed me by the ear. We left dramatically. She shouted that I had shamed her.[105]

 As Roodabeh got older, problems with her mother continued:

My mother would always say that I am “sick.” She would ask, “Is it possible for a woman to like another woman in such a way?” And she was always surprised by my friendship with some of my female friends. She would always fight with me about this. I remember the first girl I fell in love with. Her name was Fatemeh…. My mother found out. When Fatemeh called she would not give me the phone. And when I used to pick up the phone she would come on the line crying and saying, “You are a hamjensbaz! You are ruined! Now what should I do with you?”[106]

A large number of LGBT persons interviewed by Human Rights Watch indicated receiving beatings from their parents or siblings either because they acted on their sexual desires, or because they revealed their sexual orientation or gender identity to their parents. Saeed H. describes a fairly typical incident of abuse suffered at the hands of his father:

In ninth grade [where students are typically 15-16-years-old], when I first had a PC and access to internet, I would go into straight chatrooms and chat with boys. Eventually I found gay chatrooms. I met a boy in one of these chatrooms and he became my boyfriend. We started off by talking on the phone and after a while began seeing one another. Around this time my father found some gay pictures on my computer. He confronted me and severely beat me. I went home one day and he just started beating me. I managed to get out of the house and went to a friend’s house…. I left home and went to live with my boyfriend in a small town near Mashhad called Shahr-e Golabad, where my boyfriend went to university. I lived with him for eight to nine months. During this time I tried going back home but my father would not allow me inside the house. I talked to my mother occasionally from Shahr-e Golabad but had no contact with my dad.[107]

Interviews also revealed a common pattern of abuse suffered at the hands of older brothers. This abuse included harassment and threats, constant monitoring, and violence. Several interviewees recounted instances of violence perpetrated by siblings who allegedly worked with members of Iran’s security forces, including the police, basij , or Sepah.[108] Ali, a 25-year-old gay male, recalls:

For me the biggest problems were within my family. As I got older, because of my appearance and behavior, things became worse. My older brother is very conservative and also religious. He works for the Ministry of Guidance. I was very different from my brother. You see, in conservative Iranian families like my family if a boy wants to change his appearance by plucking his eyebrows or growing his hair long, there are bound to be many problems. They don’t understand these things. They think that being a homosexual is only about sex—a physical need. And this really hurts me. They see me as sick or crazy. When your family does not accept you and wishes the worst for you what can you expect from society?[109]

Ali went on to describe how his brother later found a video of him and his boyfriend, Sohail, sharing intimate moments:

I hid this film at my house and would watch it from time to time when I missed Sohail … One day I took the film out from its hiding place and was watching it on a small handy cam. The film was only recorded on the handy cam and not on video. I did not know that my brother was home. While I was watching the film my mother called me to come downstairs. I left the handy cam next to my computer. While I was downstairs I suddenly heard my older brother screaming upstairs: “What have you done? What filth have you been up to!” He was in my room. I knew he had seen the film. He came downstairs and started beating me, saying that he would kill me. I managed to escape out of the house. I was very scared. My brother is connected to the Sepah.[110]

Farzam, a 26-year-old gay male from Talesh in northern Iran, recounted the beating that his brother, a basij, gave him after he was arrested for attending a gay party in the city of Rasht in northwestern Iran:

A week later my brother came to the house. I went out to greet him. He beat me so hard he broke my nose and right hand. He struck me so many times he got tired after a while. Then he locked me inside a room and beat me with a hose.

… He came back at night. My father didn’t say anything to him. My brother said that I had shamed the family, and that he would kill me [if I continued down this path]. He said I was affecting his job. Later he shaved my eyebrows and hair with a razor. I didn’t leave the house for a whole month.[111]

Medical and Psychological Treatment

Human Rights Watch interviewed a number of LGBT persons who were directed, usually by their parents, to undergo medical and psychological treatment either because of their parents’ suspicion or concern regarding their child’s sexual or gender expression, or after the children revealed their sexual orientation or gender identity to family members. Families sought the assistance of a variety of health care providers, including family practitioners, gynecologists, neurologists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Human Rights Watch also interviewed individuals whose parents had taken their children to “sexologists” and psychiatrists, mostly in Tehran, who specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of sexual and gender issues. Treatment options ranged from psychological counseling and testing, prescription medication such as hormone therapy, and the recommendation that patients consider sex reassignment surgery.

At least some interviewees told Human Rights Watch that they were coerced into undergoing ineffective or dangerous treatments to correct their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Shabnam, a 26-year-old lesbian, explains what happened to her and her girlfriend after she revealed her sexual orientations to their parents:

I went to a hormone doctor and after some tests he told my mother: “Everything is normal. Your daughter is a woman.” I have also been to psychiatrists and taken pills. I was given [antidepressants] that made me nauseous and I slept all the time. Later, I found out that these are medications that they give to very sick people in hospitals.[112]

Mona, Shabnam’s girlfriend, describes what happened to her when she told her mother that she is a lesbian:

My mother started crying. She said, “Don’t be upset, we will help you. Everything will be fixed.” I thought perhaps I could change. The next day we went to see a psychologist. I told the doctor everything. He told me to attend his psychotherapy sessions and promised he would cure me. But instead he told my mom everything I had told him [in private] and suggested that she send me abroad. My mom took me to another doctor. He wrote a prescription that was supposed to repress my sexual desires and gave me sleeping pills. He told me that I am mentally ill. I did not take it.[113]

The third doctor gave me the wrong dose of medication and I went into a coma for three days. I remember it was in a brown capsule. This is not a pleasant thing for me to remember. My mother was so upset and went to see the doctor. The guy came out and said, “It is not important, she is not worth it anyways.” After that they sent me to a hormone doctor. The results came out normal. They did not take me to another doctor again. After a while they suggested that I get married.[114]

Mona refused her parent’s wishes.

Farrokh, a 28-year-old gay male from Karaj, told Human Rights Watch that his parents took him to a series of psychiatrists and psychologists after he told them that he was gay. According to Farrokh, some of these specialists were self-styled “Islamic psychiatrists” who convinced him that he was not homosexual:

When I was 17-years-old my parents took me to a psychiatrist, in part because they suspected I was gay. I told my psychiatrist I thought I was gay and he told my parents. It was very unprofessional of him to do this. They started pressuring me. Then they took me to an Islamic psychiatrist who told me I had an illness but that I could get better …

By the time I was 21 they had convinced me that I was, in fact, bisexual. Everyone is bisexual, they said. “If you want you can be a heterosexual.” So I got myself a girlfriend for a year and two months. But we never had sex. After some time we decided to sleep together, but I just got nauseous. So my relationship eventually came to an end. She thought I was being serious. I had been honest with her about my past, but I believed I could be straight [and she believed me].[115]

Another gay male, Saeed H., a 24-year-old gay male told Human Rights Watch that his parents checked him into a psychiatric hospital that subjected him to shock therapy when he was 20-years-old:

One day my parents came to my grandmother’s house and forced me to leave with them. They took me to a psychiatric hospital called Dehkadeh Olumi located in Tehran. They checked me in against my will. The first day I was screaming and protesting so they gave me a shot, which made me very sleepy. The next morning and every other morning that I was there I was woken up early in the morning and given electric shocks. They would first give me an anaesthetic before shocking me. The doctor said that it would cure me. Each time they applied electric shocks to me my brain would slow down and my memory would get blurry. I was really depressed. My mother got upset because she realized that I was getting worse, not better. She begged my father and they stopped shock therapy. After a few days my parents agreed to have me released. I was at the psychiatric hospital for eight days. They gave me electric shocks five out of the eight days I was there. After I was released I did not return home. I cut all relations with my family. I was only with friends. I stayed with several of them. During this time I started to cut myself because I was severely depressed. I even had to go to the hospital a few times because of this.[116]

The provision of medical care to children and the right of parents to decide what is best for their children is a complex issue beyond the scope of this report. Notwithstanding these complexities, international law provides that a child has the right “to express his or her views and to participate … [in] individual health-care decisions,” and that “children, including young children, should be included in decision-making processes, in a manner consistent with their evolving capabilities.”

In addition, Article 18 of the Yogyakarta Principles provides:

No person may be forced to undergo any form of medical or psychological treatment, procedure, testing, or be confined to a medical facility, based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Notwithstanding any classifications to the contrary, a person’s sexual orientation and gender identity are not, in and of themselves, medical conditions and are not to be treated, cured or suppressed.[117]

Article 18 specifically addresses treatment of children, and calls on states to “take all necessary legislative, administrative and other measures to ensure that no child’s body is irreversibly altered by medical procedures in an attempt to impose a gender identity without the full, free and informed consent of the child in accordance with the age and maturity of the child and guided by the principle that in all actions concerning children, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration.”[118] It also calls on states to “establish child protection mechanisms whereby no child is at risk of, or subjected to, medical abuse.”[119]

Harassment and Abuse at School, University, and Society at Large

Many LGBT persons interviewed by Human Rights Watch indicated that primary school was one of the most traumatic periods in their life. This is the first time many were exposed to the harsh realities of the outside world, where looking, acting, or feeling different often meant ridicule, harassment, and at times, abuse suffered at the hands of classmates, teachers, and others. Many interviewees told Human Rights Watch that they were the victims of sexual harassment and abuse at school perpetrated by both classmates and teachers.

Mani, a 29-year-old gay male from Tehran, said:

In primary school, we realize we are different from our peers, and because of this we become the focus of ridicule. The [kids] call us names like khaleh zanak (literally “auntie lady”) because we appear more feminine and because we don’t like to play like other boys. It is from this time that we begin to think that there is in fact something wrong with us.[120]

While some LGBT persons told Human Rights Watch that things got better for them after middle school and high school, others indicated that their problems only grew worse as they got older. Several individuals shared problems they encountered with university disciplinary committees (called Edareh or Dafter-e Herasat) or student basijis. Students caught for “immoral activity” were often suspended or expelled from school altogether. Several individuals told Human Rights Watch that their families pulled them out of school so they would not “shame” the family honor.

Hossein M. describes his expulsion from university:

I had searched and looked at gay pictures on my laptop at the university computer lab. I guess I was being monitored because shortly after I was stopped by the university disciplinary committee. I was taken into their office and told that that they had seen the sites that I had visited online. They accused me of spreading hamjensbaz culture in society and expelled me from the university.[121]

Farzam, a dental student at Azad University in Tehran, recounted what happened to him after he was caught kissing his boyfriend while attending university in 2008:

Ali-Reza followed me and we gave each other a short kiss next to the lockers. We didn’t realize there was a camera there. A few days later I went to get my papers signed for graduation. Instead they sent me to Herasat (government units charged with monitoring public order and security at universities and public institutions throughout the country).[122] They told me I had to go to see the president of the university. I asked if there was a problem, and they said no. They sent me to a room in which [name omitted], the head of Herasat, and the president were seated. I walked in and said ‘Hello.’ They did not respond. Then someone turned a monitor in the room on and there was a picture of me kissing Ali-Reza. “Why have you done this?” they asked. “You have a sexual disease.”[123]

University authorities eventually expelled Farzam from the university despite the fact that he was weeks away from receiving his diploma.

In addition to the pressures at home and school, sexual minorities endure harassment and abuse from society at large. Hossein M. described his life:

From the time I started school up until university I had problems with other students and my teachers. As I got older I had problems when just walking in the streets. I took care of my appearance. For example, I plucked my eyebrows and styled my hair. These sorts of things are not accepted in Iranian society. I was often called names like bacheh kuni (young faggot). If I took a taxi, I was often propositioned and even molested. In stores the shopkeepers would jokingly say, “You don’t have to pay now. You can pay us in other ways later.” These things would really hurt me. I felt like I was a whore. My family would really restrict me. One time my father caught me in an intimate situation with another boy and as punishment he made me stick my hands in the toilet. At university many of my peers wondered why I didn’t look at the other girls. I was blackmailed a few times because some of my classmates suspected that I was into boys.[124]

Sohail, a 24-year-old gay male echoed Hossein’s concerns:

My primary problems have been with my family. Second to that there are the problems I have had in schools, in university, and with work. When I was younger in school no one wanted to befriend me. And later when I was older I could not find work because no one wanted to employ me—all of this because they thought that I was different. When my parents became aware they really restricted me. I was not allowed to leave the house without informing them about where I was going and what I would be doing. They were suspicious of boys my age from school who would call the house with homework-related questions. I had many problems at university with teachers, staff, and also other students. I was constantly reprimanded and harassed because of the way I looked and how I acted. Eventually my father made me withdraw from university because he was scared I would shame the family.[125]