V.K., New York

J.H., Nevada, June 4, 2002

I'm a Hispanic, grew up poor, and around drugs, and gangs, always did bad in school. As a little child I went through some trauma with my mother, grew up without any mother figure, or any real affection. I was sentenced for attept robbery and was given six years in prison. At that time I was 17 years old. In 1999, while in max I stabbed a correctional officer and in Sept 2001 I was sentenced to four years, and that's what I'm doing now.

My mental illness is depression, poor impulse disorder, and some scizophrenia. I was diagnosed in December of 2001. Now a general history of my time in prison will be kind of long, I want to ingulf you for a moment so you may possibly feel the madness I went through and how I eventually ended up sick and in a mental unit. I came to prison in "1996" when I was 17 years old, at that time there was no programs for young men like there is now, we were put in general population. As I came off the streets with a cholo mentality I brought it with me. So early in my time I got in trouble for beating on a "child molester" and a "rapist." I was sent from medium custody to medium max. It was March 14, 1997. I had been on G.P. [general population]for a month and a ½. A yard stabbing went down, and 10 vatos were sent to segregation. I was one of them. I ended up with two years in disciplinary segregation. After this I never got out of the "hole." Five years in solitary confinement really messed me up. I had no family support, no t.v., radio, or a walkman, and still don't…. I began to get depressed and have angry feelings all the time. At Ely, they would put mentally ill inmate in the "hole" because the nurses didn't want to put up with them, and because Ely has no mental facility…. I have seen officers taunt mentally ill inmates by laughing at them, calling them names, and kicking on their cell doors. Instead of giving them counseling the are put on forced medication which is a shot of "dorisien" once of month. At Ely, in solitary we are divided up into three groups, all living on the same tier. G.P.s, P.C.s [protective custody], mentally ill inmates, all doing "hole time," every day, all day and night, we have to listen to screaming, yelling, shit talking, kicking on doors. This can really hurt a person mentally, such as it did myself. I did four years like that. I began to get angry, depressed, and suicidal all the time, but I kept holding out, until I ended up stabbing an officer. I got beat up that same day, Aug 1, 1999, then on Sept. 24, 1999, I was retaliated on, I was in my cell when officers instigated a situation, and said I refused a shake down. S.Q.U.A.D. was called. They emptied 3 8oz cans of gas into my cell, shot me with a tazer gun, then beat me up repeatedly, and dragged me out of my cell so the nurses could see me, it made no difference because the nurses covered everything up….

It became a constant madness for me, and that's how I became ill, I don't have good social skills, I'm kind of a loner, and I'm scared of the world. I'm going to turn 24 years old in Oct. and all these years without any love, affection or a woman to talk to have kept me depressed. On Nov. 30 2001, I attempted to kill myself. I just couldn't take it.

T.R., Arizona, August 21, 2002

I am a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia, I was diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia back in early 1992. I was seriously mentally ill probably since I was 13 years old. I also suffer from major depression. I never saw a psychiatrist on the streets but I had many problems, I have had taken been prescribed many psychotropic medications to treat serious mental illness, anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications.

I have been housed on Death Row since July of 1995. All of Death Row was moved to SMU II [SMU is the Special Management Unit] on September 4th 1997. SMU II is a supermaximum unit.  It is atypical by every means, I am locked in my cell 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  I hardly ever get out of my cell…. I have been put on mental health watches around 6 times, wich is inside a small holding cell, striped naked, the light is on all the time, no room to lay down for 3 solid days, no sleep nothing. I would prefer death than to live like this. It's basically no one cares.

O.G., Indiana, September 3, 2002

I've been diagnosed with a mental illness since 1988. My mental illness has caused me to go to prison for a 12 year sentence. My sentence was 8 do 4 with a 4 year probation when I get out. I robbed bank one with a note that had my name signed to the bottom of it. And then turned myself in to the police and gave them all of the money back. I had completed my 8 do 4 with only one writup pending and was scheduled to leave prison this year. When I was sent to I.S.P. for the 4th time that year I sometimes would not get my medication and when I did get it would be the wrong kind. That caused me to dread taking it then the problems got worst for me. The voices I heard kept coming and I could not get any sleep. After I was there for about 2 ½ months I couldn't take it anymore and started getting write ups. For the next 2 ½ months I was fearing for my life and doing anything to make me feel better. In the process of me getting write ups I got 5 battery on officers. I felt that the officers were coming in my cell at night having sex with me. And that I needed to be transfer to a new facility. I threw cold tap water right out of the faucet on 4 officers and voiced my feeling about them having sex with me while I slept. After every one they would put me on the psyche unit for a while then move me right back to population…. I got 6 years segregation time. And I max out in 4 years. The time that I was on the pcsych unit at Indiana State Prison, they labeled me as suicidal and put me in a seclusion cell with no sheet or blanket for days wearing only a pair of shorts. Due to the cold I suffered nerve damage to my feet and could not walk for days. The first time, I also wiped my waste on the wall in population and in the seclusion cell. The third time I went to the pscyche unit I was beat for spitting by two officers while handcuffed. The last time I was striped down to my shorts and taken out of my cell for cleaning and they shocked me for 15 seconds…. I called a officer to my cell and asked him if he wanted to get spit on he told me to take my best shot. He was standing about 15 feet away. I spit out my cell and asked him did I get him he said no. I wasn't trying to hit him. Soon after that two officers came and told me to cuff up so I did. When I got off the range where there is no camera they started hitting me in the face and banging my head against the wall. I went down and they made me get up. Then they took me to my cell. I wiped waste on my wall then they came back to take me to see the nurse. My face was bleeding and swollen. On the way back from seeing the nurse they did it again. I stayed completely naked for two days…. I am a born again Christian and I believe god will see me thru this but I am scared to leave my cell. Now I really am getting suicidal they had to rush me to the hospital last week I swallowed 100 pain pills.